Death

So Dad died last Friday, a little sketchy on the details, but I heard that he passed away in a hospital somewhere in Michigan. I have a lot of mixed feelings about this, and many different reactions, Firstly, I hate wasting any more time thinking about this than I have to, and yet I have to think about this. Secondly, Death is a big deal even if it seems like a little one. I never spent much time thinking about the happy/sad days of my youth when my father was around, simply because he was a parent (to some degree, anyway) and he did what he had to do to survive. Parents being parents are in and of themselves a paradox of sorts, we love them because we know better, and we despise them for all they don't know. It's frustrating to me that the man estranged himself for over twenty years without any attempt at reconciliation. Then again, I'm sure he had his reasons, but I guess I'll never know.
I have in-laws whom I call Mom and Dad, simply because the transition makes more sense to me than anything else. They are kind people who are caring and generous. They have their faults too, but it is their unconditional love that speaks volumes.
As I figure out how I should feel regarding my father's death, I'll try to remember the better times only for the reason that it is a much better thing to do.